Thursday, August 23, 2012

d100 Amusing Diversions

Here's the first of the d100 tables which were prizes for the Summer Contest.

Jeremy asked for something that would generate sports, games, amusements and the like, and he was pretty specific - a couple columns to help generate a name for the sport, and a couple columns to generate an action and a target.

So here's d100 Amusing Diversions.

To use the table, roll once each on columns A&B to get a name; rearrange, pluralize to taste.
Roll at least once each on C&D to get an action/modifier and a noun.
Then mix it all up and come up with a game using everything.

Example:  I roll percentile dice four times and get 91, 46, 4, 55.  That's "Dwarf" and "Pie" in the naming categories, as well as "stack" and "turban" for an action and a target noun.

"Have ye ne'er played Dwarf-Pie before, lad?  It's dead simple.  You take three or four of these poofy turbans, like the merchant-dwarves of the Painted Desert wear, and you throw a handful of pennies in each one.  The two players take turns stacking the turbans on their head; whoever's stack falls first, they lose, and the winner gets the pennies from those turbans.  Now, when you're up north here and don't have turbans about, sometimes we use beer-mugs or pie-plates.  An' that's where the name comes from, y'see?  It's one o' those games that's a wee bit more fun when you're properly pissed..."

Example: I roll four more times and get 68, 59, 58, 97.  That's "Murderer", "Skeeze", "upside-down", and "lizard".

"Right, gentlemen, we'll settle this argument with an old-fashioned round of Skeezemurder, if nobody minds.  Very well, let us begin.  I will suspend this gecko from the rafters with yarn; apologies that we don't have a proper skeeze-lizard in this climate, but the gecko is of comparable size and feistiness.  You two gentlemen will be blindfolded and held upside-down by your companions at a short distance from the lizard; when I say go, whichever one of you can bite the lizard's head off first shall be considered the winner of the argument."

Mr. Barksboro was well convinced he could fit the entire snake in his mouth, thereby winning the twenty dollars.


  1. No before and after comparisons of Barksboro?

  2. The best punchlines are self-evident. :)

    Although the next time I randomly roll up an encounter with a "widow", it'll be poor Mrs. Barksboro.

  3. Okay, so, I got "Bishop" "Melencholy" and "chop" "ribbon."

    So here is the Bishop's Melancholy, a game for two drunk soldiers

    Wind twine or ribbon around some horned viking helmets to ensure that they will not come undone if tugged on. This is important because people will be getting hit in the head a lot. Next up tie some bright ribbon between the two horns on the helmet (RIBBON A). Also you are going to tie one helmet horn to the other helmet horn leaving about six feet of give (RIBBON B). The objective of the game is to cut your opponent's ribbon A by hacking at it with a spear, while trying not to have your own ribbon A cut, or snapping your neck because you accidentally tangled your spear in ribbon B.

    While a downward hack with a spear is theoretically safer than just, say, stabbing each other, the reason this game causes melancholy for bishops should be fairly obvious.

  4. Wrangle Fish - So here's the story lads, Wrangle Fishs is a game, but it makes a man out of you. First you need a bull. Then you strap, glue, nail or tape a bottle or five of beer to the bull. Then you need to make then old critter angry, if he's not riotous already. Winner is the man that can fish and drink the most drinks of that angry bull.