Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Scenes from Wampus Country: Many Ways To Go

The so-called 'Vain Highwayman' has been known to leave his victims alive if they suitably compliment his attire; but do not feign sincerity and praise his boots, for he knows well those boots are shit.
The last thing Eldon Bridely saw was a veritable torrent of gnomes, brownies, and atomies of the wood marching toward him with wrathful expressions, just as the one-legged prostitute oracle had foretold all those years ago.
Wearing the Hideous Form of the Scorpion, the assassin become visible for a brief moment before laying low the finest limerick-writer civilization had ever known.
As eldest son of the chieftain, it fell to Shining Talon to take in hand his poisoned obsidian arrows, mount the sacred glyptodont, and ride forth to randomly slay zero-level townsfolk in order to maintain the tribe's street cred.
At that very moment, it finally dawned on Prendergast that perhaps he should not have read aloud from the cursed book in the first place; and for the slightest instant he regretted not listening to his mother's advice, before remembering what a horrid judgmental bitch she was.

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