Tuesday, December 27, 2011

'Thunderbolt' Black

B.C.  'Thunderbolt' Black in a riding demonstration at his Amazing Action Show; right after this prancing-and-leaping bit he kisses a woman in the crowd, then emasculates a rabid grizzly bear with a thrown bottlecap.

Ladieeeees an' Gennulmun, welcome to Thunderbolt Black's Amazing Action Show!  Tonight in this very ring y'all will be slack-jawed an' agape as you witness the finest shootin', ropin', ridin', an' wrasslin' in the world.  We got trick-shooters an' sharpshooters; we got goat-ropers, bull-riders, savage barbarian knife-fighters, the world's tallest dwarf, sheep-jumpers, bear-baiters, and of course Lovely Lily and her Naughty Lasso.  

But I know all that ain't what you're here for this afternoon...no, sir, you're here to see the man hisself.  The finest marksman in all of Wampus Country, the great barbarian-killer, the living legend - Thunderbolt Black!  Well, jes' you wait, folks - Thunderbolt'll be out at the end of the show with a demonstration that'll flatten your hats right quick.  Who wants to see Thunderbolt wrestle a two-headed gator?

Benjamin Curtis 'Thunderbolt' Black is indeed one of the living legends of Wampus Country - a larger-than-life fighter, explorer, wilderness scout, and teller of tall tales.  After a long career as a ranger and mercenary, Thunderbolt is currently semi-retired, making his coin by running his Amazing Action Show and sponsoring the occasional expedition into the wilderness.  Black has also built a brewery, and is shipping his eponymous beverages far and wide.  At least three dime novels are in circulation documenting (some would say fictionalizing) Thunderbolt's exploits - the best known is the ribald "Thunderbolt Black and the Insatiable She-Demon of Snollygoster Swamp".

Thunderbolt is, in some ways, the most public 'face' of Wampus Country - he excels at those activities which are dear to frontier culture (shooting, killing, riding, drinking) and is quite outspoken about the need for the region to remain fiercely independent of distant rule.  He is also fairly wealthy, and has been known to act as patron for up-and-coming groups of explorers, surveyors, monster-hunters, or barbarian-fighters.

1 - Thunderbolt started as a far-ranging wilderness scout, and not only fought at Cadaver Canyon, but has a personal collection of over a hundred barbarian scalps.
2 - Thunderbolt was once a captive in the dungeons of Sugarplum Castle, but he seduced the Witch-Queen and she let him go; now she pines for his nocturnal company, and that's why she's so dang cranky.
3- Thunderbolt only sleeps twenty minutes a week, and it hasn't affected his sanity one whit.
4 - Thunderbolt is older than he looks, having long ago imbibed a magical potion of longevity - or perhaps discovered a new variety of undeath.
5 - Thunderbolt has ridden as one of the Seven Avenging Angels, albeit in disguise; he is well-acquainted with both "Cottonmouth" Taft and Sweet Johnny Peppermint, both legends in their own right.
6 - His best-selling brew, "Thunderbolt's Bloomer-Busting Lager", which is advertised as increasing one's manliness three-fold, is primarily composed of swampwater and Thunderbolt's own urine.


  1. Shhhh, you give away my fountain of youth secrets!

  2. At least you didn't find hint of my hidden platinum mine down in the badlands