I was trying to think of a St. Patrick's Day post - something to do with leprechauns, I imagined - when the Boy blew through the room playing with his new Tokidoki rainbow pega-corn thing, an impulse buy at the game shop earlier this evening.
"Pew pew!"
"Is that your new unicorn?"
"Yeah, she's shooting rainbow lasers at you. Pew pew! Her name is Aleeza, she's a flying rainbow unicorn from space."
"Mmhmm. She's got a really disproportionate head for an equine. That head is huge, man."
"She has a big head to hold all her crazy brains."
Insane rainbow-laser unicorn? Yeah, that takes care of the St. Patrick's Day post just fine. Thanks, kid.
Happy St. Patrick's, everybody.
THE MAD UNICORN AT RAINBOW'S END
Upriver, 'beyond the bend' as they like to say, lies a secluded little wood, obscuring within a beautiful waterfall. This forest - or more properly, the region around the waterfall - is known to some as Rainbow's End. Once the gathering-place for those few leprechauns in Wampus Country, in recent months it has taken on a rather different tone, and a new purpose altogether. Where once there was merriment, dancing, and inspired levels of imbibing, now there is only paranoia and pain - for the Mad Unicorn rules Rainbow's End.
Aleeza, the mad unicorn, hails from a different realm entirely, a world composed chiefly of rainbows and laughter and happy songs. Chief amongst the sentient species of this land were the winged rainbow unicorns who frolicked upon the heather and flitted through the clouds, carefree. In time, however, this idyll was disturbed, as the elders of that race - wise beyond aeons and quite powerful - detected that realms beyond their own had been fouled by the taint of evil, and selfishness, and burnt cookies. Left unchecked, such chaos could one day penetrate into the rainbow-realm itself - and this thought, the unicorns could not abide.
The elder unicorns called together the rulers of the other intelligent species of their world - the Psychursinoids, the Fruit-Folk, and the Sphere-Folding Beasts, as well as representatives from other, lesser species, into a grand council. Each community sponsored several contestants into a grand tournament which would decide who among them was best suited to traveling to distant worlds to combat the growing chaos. In the end, Aleeza won the tournament, and was chosen to be the first hero catapulted into another world.
So Aleeza, the flying rainbow unicorn who smells like birthday cake, was hurled through a swirling portal of eldritch magic...and landed in Wampus Country. She did not like what she saw one bit, and it wasn't long before man's obvious cruelty to man drove the poor unicorn over the edge. All thoughts of the rainbow crusade crumbled within her massive magical cerebrum - the unicorn just plain snapped.
Seeking refuge from the bloodshed and greed which she could smell in the air like so much swamp-gas, Aleeza was quickly drawn to Rainbow's End, a hidden forest village populated by a troupe of leprechauns who had escaped Mab's grasp by fleeing the Summerland entirely. When she landed in their midst, the leprechauns were at first fascinated - here was a fine and unusual specimen of a unicorn, and winged to boot. Also, she smelled like birthday cake and apparently found defecation magically unnecessary. This would be a tale for the ages! But as Aleeza looked around Rainbow's End, she began to see the leprechauns in a very poor light indeed - a mess of drunken louts, greedy, mischief-loving, all back-slapping and fart jokes.
Perhaps it was then that the madness truly boiled forth inside Aleeza, and she became the Mad Unicorn in earnest. Using her substantial magical power, she quickly subdued the majority of the leprechauns, and telekinetically seized their pots of gold, hurling them into a pile at the base of the waterfall and transforming said pile into a single lumpen mass of rock. The leprechauns stood slackjawed and bruised - so long as Aleeza controlled their pots of gold (which, as you may know, contained their souls), she had them in thrall and could command them.
The Mad Unicorn quickly set about bringing her version of order to Rainbow's End. The leprechauns were forced to redecorate, raise defenses, and - horror of horrors - tear down every single brewing-still and pour out all the alcohol. You can perhaps imagine the angry veins pulsing on each leprechaun's forehead.
Now, several months later, the Mad Unicorn continues to rule Rainbow's End with an iron hoof, using the leprechauns as her near-slaves, attendants, and occasionally spies into the world of men. The leprechauns would like nothing more than to overthrow her, but while she controls their souls, they cannot speak ill of Aleeza in any way, per her command. On two occasions leprechauns have tried to 'get smart' and act out against the Mad Unicorn; on both occasions she transformed them into bunnies and crushed their skulls underhoof.
Rainbow's End has a population of twenty-seven leprechauns living in a number of small houses strewn about the forest and up in the trees. Aleeza, the Mad Unicorn, is often flying about the perimeter of the region, but can also be found holding court beside the waterfall. Aleeza has 9HD and the sorcerous abilities of a 10th-level magic-user, as well as the talent of speaking animal tongues (which she can impart temporarily to another by the touch of her horn). The Mad Unicorn can polymorph other once per day in addition to her compliment of spells. In addition, she can fire rainbow lasers (3d8 damage) from her eyes every other round; the range on this attack is considerable, and Aleeza may elect to fly above the forest canopy and rain hot orbital rainbow death upon her foes.
Adventurers may find opportunity to challenge and overthrow the Mad Unicorn on behalf of the leprechauns; if slain, the rock beneath the waterfall turns back into a pile of gold, and the PCs have likely gained new friends amongst the wee folk. The leprechauns will gladly give the adventurers a portion of gold, as well as reward each of them with a magical mug which produces, on command, a thick heady lager thrice daily. Conversely, those who approach the Mad Unicorn humbly may be able to conduct a small quest on her behalf in exchange for magical knowledge (rainbow-themed spells strongly recommended). If harvested, Aleeza's horn naturally serves as a shortsword +3 which smells like birthday cake.
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Friday, March 16, 2012
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Krampus Country
Apologies for the cheesy post title; I pretty much had to do it.
So Nevermet Press has challenged folks to come up with Krampus-related posts or other uses for their Krampus holiday artwork this year. Having just had twenty-four hours of last-minute Santicore madness...let's go for it.
First, the art, which is from Steven Austin and used under Creative Commons:
But what to do with the Krampus? Stat him up? Already done (here and here) - granted, those are Pathfinder versions, but down-converting or coming up with stats for the Krampus for B/X or LL should not be a big deal.
Obviously, the thing to do is to adapt Herr Krampus and some other Christmastide lore for Wampus Country.
Krampus-kinder
The krampus-kinder are a cultish band of several dozen dark fauns who lurk in the pine forests of the mountains, usually keeping to themselves except for once a year at the Winter Solstice, when they all journey down the slope in a massive, whooping war-party. This excursion continues - with much singing, yelling, and the burning of torches with strangely-colored flames - until the krampus-kinder reach a settlement. There, they set about looting, torturing, and killing all in their path. Houses and barns are set alight, livestock are hobbled or torn to shreds, and, most disturbingly, children are kidnapped. It's all over before dawn - the krampus-kinder return to their hidey-holes on the mountain, or else disappear in the morning mist via fell magic.
Children kidnapped by the war-party, who are usually stuffed into sacks to be carried off, are brought to the sacred wellspring high in the mountains which is the focus of krampus-kinder faith. Buried by the spring is their progenitor and god, in whose image they themselves are shaped. Each child in turn is submerged in the hot spring as a kind of baptism, and rises a new krampus-kinder. This is the only means of reproduction available to the 'kinder. The process works best on children, as the transformation sublimates their personalities entirely; but an adult who bathes in the spring will also become a krampus-kinder - physically at least, and perhaps with a minor alignment shift toward evil or chaos; the wellspring itself can only perform the transformation for twelve days following the solstice.
The remainder of the year the krampus-kinder frolic, hunt, and work in several small gemstone mines, the fruits of which they trade with certain other insidious races or with nomadic barbarians. On occasion, a 'kinder comes down from the mountains and finds work as a mercenary or enforcer amongst gentler folk; one such is "Ruprecht the Hill-Devil", a skilled swordsman and archer who fought (for pay) at Cadaver Canyon and has occasionally appeared as part of Thunderbolt Black's Amazing Action Show.
The Badalisc
A massive, lumpen and furry creature with flaming crimson eyes, the Badalisc, though impressive of visage, is generally considered harmless and even beneficial. There is, we presume, only one Badalisc, and he roams seasonally the lands between Thistlemarch and Eagle Mountain, grazing on leaves and small game. A curious creature, the Badalisc has been known to receive visions from beyond - whether these are true dreams sent by the divine or the Badalisc has eaten something improper is not known. When he learns of this good news from on high, the Badalisc stomps into the nearest village or farm and recites an awkward rhyming poem to convey what he has learned. The locals do not always understand the import of the Badalisc's visions, but they are grateful for the effort and traditionally feed him roasted chestnuts, honey, or barbecued rabbit. After gulping down this meal, the Badalisc trundles back into the woods and will not be seen again for months.
Ded-Moroz
A sorceror of indeterminate age and probable fairy ancestry, the dour Ded-Moroz dwells in a tower of ice in the far mountains. Also known as 'Father Frost', he is assumed to be a powerful wizard with great knowledge of the old ways. Ded-Moroz occasionally appears in the more civilized areas of Wampus Country on one errand or another, blowing in on a cold wind and departing just as quickly and mysteriously. Sometimes he sends one or more of his several daughters, the Snowmaidens, out as well, usually to trade or negotiate with merchants or giants. The Snowmaidens are all incredibly beautiful and pale, and Ded-Moroz is extremely protective of their person and honor. It is said that there was once a popular joke which referred to the Snowmaidens, but Ded-Moroz soon heard wind of it and has since cast a spell allowing him to know if the joke is ever told, so that he can appear and slay the jokester. The joke is terribly ribald and full of nasty double-entendres; the only surviving piece, possibly the punchline, is "because Frost's daughter was a Hoar".
So Nevermet Press has challenged folks to come up with Krampus-related posts or other uses for their Krampus holiday artwork this year. Having just had twenty-four hours of last-minute Santicore madness...let's go for it.
First, the art, which is from Steven Austin and used under Creative Commons:
Obviously, the thing to do is to adapt Herr Krampus and some other Christmastide lore for Wampus Country.
Krampus-kinder
The krampus-kinder are a cultish band of several dozen dark fauns who lurk in the pine forests of the mountains, usually keeping to themselves except for once a year at the Winter Solstice, when they all journey down the slope in a massive, whooping war-party. This excursion continues - with much singing, yelling, and the burning of torches with strangely-colored flames - until the krampus-kinder reach a settlement. There, they set about looting, torturing, and killing all in their path. Houses and barns are set alight, livestock are hobbled or torn to shreds, and, most disturbingly, children are kidnapped. It's all over before dawn - the krampus-kinder return to their hidey-holes on the mountain, or else disappear in the morning mist via fell magic.
Children kidnapped by the war-party, who are usually stuffed into sacks to be carried off, are brought to the sacred wellspring high in the mountains which is the focus of krampus-kinder faith. Buried by the spring is their progenitor and god, in whose image they themselves are shaped. Each child in turn is submerged in the hot spring as a kind of baptism, and rises a new krampus-kinder. This is the only means of reproduction available to the 'kinder. The process works best on children, as the transformation sublimates their personalities entirely; but an adult who bathes in the spring will also become a krampus-kinder - physically at least, and perhaps with a minor alignment shift toward evil or chaos; the wellspring itself can only perform the transformation for twelve days following the solstice.
The remainder of the year the krampus-kinder frolic, hunt, and work in several small gemstone mines, the fruits of which they trade with certain other insidious races or with nomadic barbarians. On occasion, a 'kinder comes down from the mountains and finds work as a mercenary or enforcer amongst gentler folk; one such is "Ruprecht the Hill-Devil", a skilled swordsman and archer who fought (for pay) at Cadaver Canyon and has occasionally appeared as part of Thunderbolt Black's Amazing Action Show.
The Badalisc
A massive, lumpen and furry creature with flaming crimson eyes, the Badalisc, though impressive of visage, is generally considered harmless and even beneficial. There is, we presume, only one Badalisc, and he roams seasonally the lands between Thistlemarch and Eagle Mountain, grazing on leaves and small game. A curious creature, the Badalisc has been known to receive visions from beyond - whether these are true dreams sent by the divine or the Badalisc has eaten something improper is not known. When he learns of this good news from on high, the Badalisc stomps into the nearest village or farm and recites an awkward rhyming poem to convey what he has learned. The locals do not always understand the import of the Badalisc's visions, but they are grateful for the effort and traditionally feed him roasted chestnuts, honey, or barbecued rabbit. After gulping down this meal, the Badalisc trundles back into the woods and will not be seen again for months.
Ded-Moroz
A sorceror of indeterminate age and probable fairy ancestry, the dour Ded-Moroz dwells in a tower of ice in the far mountains. Also known as 'Father Frost', he is assumed to be a powerful wizard with great knowledge of the old ways. Ded-Moroz occasionally appears in the more civilized areas of Wampus Country on one errand or another, blowing in on a cold wind and departing just as quickly and mysteriously. Sometimes he sends one or more of his several daughters, the Snowmaidens, out as well, usually to trade or negotiate with merchants or giants. The Snowmaidens are all incredibly beautiful and pale, and Ded-Moroz is extremely protective of their person and honor. It is said that there was once a popular joke which referred to the Snowmaidens, but Ded-Moroz soon heard wind of it and has since cast a spell allowing him to know if the joke is ever told, so that he can appear and slay the jokester. The joke is terribly ribald and full of nasty double-entendres; the only surviving piece, possibly the punchline, is "because Frost's daughter was a Hoar".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)