Learning to Accessorize

Although the hardy frontier-folk of the Wampus Country tend to favor reliable, hard-wearing equipment, it has become fashionable amongst high-rollers, mad adventurers, and poseurs to demonstrate their prestige by means of ostentatious custom-built weapons.  The trend began innocently enough, with grips and hafts built to fit their owners, and weapons decked out with custom paint jobs and decorative baubles.  In time, the predictable oneupsmanship of the wealthy fringe took hold, and the accessories got ever-stranger.  Here, a rifle stock that dispenses rum; there, a footman's mace with a compass in the hilt.  Soon, all manner of impractical upgrades were ordered, and it became a point of pride for a well-heeled mercenary to bear a custom-made weapon which was not only built to specification (using a series of nineteen different body measurements, including "width of palm" and "optimal thumb angle"), but which had one or more ostentatious accessories - often a second weapon - either built in or clamped to it.  It will come as no surprise that many of these weapons were less than practical in actual combat and can today be found on corpses across the countryside; a charging owlbear is not impressed by the fact that the hilt of your rapier dispenses shaving cream.

Here is a d100 table of nonmagical weapon upgrades and accessories, from the practical to the ridiculous.  I look forward to hearing stories about PCs fighting over possession of a crossbow with a flail attached to it.

Yo dawg, I heard you like accessories on your weapons...