Secret Santicore: Ouchies and Boo-boos

Death and dismemberment can be scary stuff.  One bum roll and you've lost a limb, had your eye poked out, or maybe you're standing there holding your own entrails, looking flabbergasted.  It's serious business...

THE REQUEST:  An 'Ouchies & Boo-boos Table' - a G-Rated or Disneyfied version of a Death & Dismemberment table.

...or maybe not so serious.  If your campaign isn't the right tone for these tables, perhaps consider introducing a magic weapon which has these effects?  A giant hammer, perhaps.

G-Rated Disney Death and Dismemberment Table
Three Distinct d12 tables
Made by Kiel Chenier

Melee

1-2) X’s for eyes. Your HP is reduced to zero. Your tongue sticks out. You pine for the fjords.

3) Clonk on the head. Birdies or stars circle your head. You’re knocked unconscious and must make saving throws vs. death.

4)  One lump or two. Lumps on your head push out from your hair. You’re knocked unconscious and must make saving throws vs. death.

5) Dramatic cut/bruise. You’re wounded in a way that looks serious and dramatic. You’re slowed and inspire sympathy for 2d4 rounds.

6, 7, 8) Brutish strike. You lose 1d4 teeth, falling out like piano keys, UNLESS wearing some kind of helm. Then, you’re just stunned for 1d4 rounds.

9) Bruised butt. You’re knocked prone, UNLESS wearing light armour. Then, you get to save vs. being knocked prone.

10) Black eye/cut cheek. You end up looking kind of cool and badass, actually. Save vs. being knocked prone.

11) No effect. Everything’s coming up Milhouse.

12) Turning point! The music swells and you have an awesome comeback line, along with 1d6+ your level hit points (or other system-based healing).



Missile

1-2) Pincushioned. Your HP is reduced to zero. You’re covered in arrows/bolts/needles. Your eyes are overwhelmed swirls.

3) Arrow to the knee. Your adventuring days are over. You have a permanent limp. You’re knocked unconscious and must make saving throws vs. death.

4) Scary miss. You dodge a volley of missiles, ducking below and leaving your hair behind to hang in the air cartoonishly. The shock of it knocks you unconscious and you must make saving throws vs. death.

5) Boromir’d. You get struck with arrows/missiles in slow motion, making you look like you’re in a dramatic death scene. You’re slowed for 2d4 rounds.

6, 7, 8) Glancing Strike. Your forehead’s grazed, making your vision fuzzy. You’re blinded for 1d4 rounds, UNLESS wearing some kind of helm. Then you’re just stunned for 1d4 rounds.

9) Bruised butt. The missile strike knocks you prone, UNLESS wearing light armour. Then, you get to save vs. being knocked prone.

10) Arrow to the toe. You hop around comically. Save vs. being knocked prone.

11) No effect. A winner is you.

12) Turning point! The music swells and you have an awesome comeback line, along with 1d6+ your level hit points (or other system-based healing).

Magic

1-2) Magically discharged. The spell winks you into a pocket dimension. Your HP is reduced to zero. You’re now just a memory.

3) Transformed. Magical after effects turn you into a toad. You’re knocked unconscious and must make saving throws vs. toad.

4) Encased in crystal. The spell spreads all over your body, trapping you. You’re knocked unconscious and must make saving throws vs. being trapped.

5) Slimed. Residuum residue lingers from the spell, covering you like molasses. You’re slowed and grossed out for 2d4 rounds.

6, 7, 8) Magical overload. You’re knocked prone. If you’re wielding/wearing a magical item, it is disenchanted for 2d4 rounds.

9) Big butt. The spell enlarges your butt, weighing you down. You’re knocked prone, UNLESS wearing light armour. Then, you get to save vs. being knocked prone. The effect lasts 1d4 rounds.

10) Wreathed in sparklies. The magic explodes around you, looking all cool like fireworks. Save vs. being blinded for a round.

11) No effect. Allons-y.

12) Turning point! You take the full effects of the spell, but rebound it back against the caster. They take half damage from it, but all of its effects.