Mascot Monday: Dawn of the Sloads

Ian has written of the mighty sloads over at Monstrous Television.

No death-wizard or Necronaut can say with much accuracy what, if any, are the connections between Wampus Country and that pocket of hell and death known as The Bleaklands, but know this: there are sloads in Wampus Country, and they are terrible.

Hidden amongst the thick woods south of River-Town, there stands the Untouchable Fortress, a massive construction of ether-stone which is sometimes invisible, sometimes intangible, and, most of the time, not there at all.  Within the thick walls of the Untouchable Fortress dwell three insidious sloads with designs on all of Wampus Country.  Only one young frog from Frogport stands against them...

THE UNTOUCHABLE FORTRESS
The Fortress is castle-like and surrounded with a secondary wall some thirty feet in height; its ramparts are defended by brain-drained men and women, slaves to the sorcery of the sloads.  Upon each tower is mounted a swiveling cannon which fires crystalline spheres which shatter on impact, releasing d6+1 starving stirges.  Beneath the castle proper lies a maze-like dungeon which is home to the sloads. In addition, there is a large subterranean pumping-station which is slowly bringing fetid cavern-water (tainted with evil, no doubt) to the surface and transforming the area around the fortress into a swamp.

THE SLOADS THREE
Whether they came via the Bleaklands or some other means, it is known that these three sloads are evil incarnate, and have turned their back on any nobility their species may once have maintained.  Each is more sadistic than the next, and all three are cruel wizards, ever-perfecting their dark arts.  Although few have seen the sloads in action, it has been suggested that they have the ability to chant in unison to summon powerful eldritch effects.  Each of the sloads has the ability to stand like a man (they are ogre-sized when fully upright), but they often lounge about on their bellies, as their tremendous weight is difficult to bear on their lanky frog-limbs for long.  Thankfully, each sload possesses a hovering lily pad (treat as flying carpet).

Bhood Greentooth (7HD sload with powers of a level 8 wizard) is the leader and 'face' of the amphibious triumvirate; it is he who commands the growing army of vacuous living zombies who are loyal to the sload cause.  Bhood wields a wand of fireballs and wears a torc of protection +2.

Wyz Many-Eyes (6HD sload with powers of a level 5 cleric) is Bhood's vizier, advisor, and sycophant.  Known for the dozens of small eyeballs which have sprouted across his belly and back, Wyz is a devotee of several Chaotic patrons and maintains shrines to both the Horned Baron and the Vicelords in his corner of the dungeon.  Wyz carries a spiked flail +1 and is often accompanied by a horrific, mutated wampus-cat with cobras for teeth.

Ur Mak Kruun (7HD sload with powers of a level 3 wizard) is a hulking brute who enjoys torture and maneating when he's not busy whipping slaves.  Ur wears a massive golden cestus on his left hand which does d8+2 damage and can deliver a further d6+1 shock every third round.  His brothers do not realize that he has secretly been talking with the Web of Darkness about a profitable alliance...even if it means big brother Bhood has to meet a bloody end.

The terrible sloads three, recumbent upon their flying lilypads.

ONE FROG'S HOPE
A young frog of Frogport, one Digby (level 2 frog), stumbled upon agents of the three sloads, and has determined to take their organization down.  But he desperately needs help!  To that end, he has begun trying to build a network of contacts in River-Town and beyond, and taking on small tasks which may net him the resources necessary to mount an assault on the Untouchable Fortress.  He publishes ranting self-financed pamphlets "Evil Wizards Got You Down? Dig 'Em A New Grave With Digby" and distributes them wherever he goes; he has even begun wearing his motto on his clothing.  Most take him for a madman, but no one knows more intimate details of the sload operation than he.  Recently he has undertaken to explore the Terrible Towers of the Treacherous Turtles in hopes of securing allies, after reading in an ancient text of these man-turtles who hunt sloads across myriad worlds.

Digby's crusade vacillates between "destroy all sloads" and "shameless self-promotion".